To the ones who turned their backs on me..... I forgive you

Everyone has turned their backs on me. March 14th was my birthday and my own son couldn't be bothered to do more than text me. He has to know how much I hate text messages.

Oh well, what does it matter anyway. It seems like he is not the only one that has deserted me. All of my family and the people I thought were my friends have forgotten me. I guess since my health has declined that my body is not as useful to them as it used to be.

They've most likely moved on to a newer model. One that can wear heels and whose knees don't ache and pop when they stand up. Am I angry about that ? No, not really. Mostly I feel sadness and pity. Sadness that what I thought was something special could be tossed aside without even a goodbye. Pity, that they felt the need to play with me for their pleasure. Their lives must be pretty awful for them to feel the need to use and abuse other peoples feelings to make themselves feel big and powerful.

Then again, I might be totally wrong about their intentions. Maybe they ended our friendship as a favor to me. So I wouldn't have to see that all the things they promised me were never going to happen.

When I am lonely I admit that I miss them. Some more than others. But when someone shuts you out of their life, missing them is a futile emotion. A fact that is becoming easier to accept as each day of what has to be the worst year of my entire life.

Like a hollow tree whose heartwood has been stripped away, I have nothing inside me.  Which is fine, because being empty and numb is a lot better than mourning the loss of people who obviously never cared about me as a person. I was just a thing to be used and discarded like yesterdays garbage.

It is what it is ...... and if any of them are reading this. I forgive you, because I know dealing with the way I am is no fun. Hell, if I could walk away from myself I would do just what you did.