Glad Rags

My sister brought over a bunch of her plus size clothes that don't fit her anymore. They are very pretty and nicer than anything I have owned in a very long time.
I am hoping that being able to dress nicer will help improve my self image. It isn't the cure , but it is a step in the right direction. "Ever Forward "

Keep It Simple Stupid

Trees are beautiful to me they provide shade and many other things. The smell of fresh cut grass is nice too. A warm spring rain is the cleanest, freshest smell in the whole world.

When I was a kid I was proud of the way our yard looked in the summer. We cut the grass, raked the leaves and pulled the weeds. It was a never ending dirty, back breaking job. It had to be done so we did it without hesitation. It was hard but the results were all that mattered.

The riding lawnmower was a necessity not a luxury. However every Spring the same thing happened. We did not have a garage so during the Winter the mower was outside. My Dad would piddle around about getting it up and running for us to use. This drove us nuts.

If the mower needed parts we would have to order them from Sears and then wait. Meantime the grass would grow up thick and tall. It looked horrible. Dad never seemed to notice how bad it looked. Mom would wait until he went to work and then take matters into her own hands.

She would dig out the push mowers. It took a lot longer to cut the grass that way, but the job got done. I always felt a sense of victory as I pushed that mower. It wasn't a matter of "I don't want to do this, It's not fair". We had a job to do and we did it with the tools that were available.

I have carried that attitude forward into my life for a long time. This morning as I was walking back from getting the paper I started thinking about the old days. I realized that somewhere along the way I had lost that work ethic. I knew in that moment it was just what I need now.

I can't stand waiting when something needs to be done. It makes me nervous and jittery. Now here I am doing just that. Every night I say I will exercise tomorrow, but I never do. It frustrates me more and more with each passing day. I need to change my attitude.

K.I.S.S is a tool I often use. It means Keep it simple Stupid. I am not saying I am stupid by the way . I do however have a very bad habit of making simple things harder than they really are. When I notice myself doing that I think of K.I.S.S and it helps get me back on track.

Today I need to focus on K.I.S.S. The simple fact is that I have a job to do. I can stand around moaning and groaning or I can grab that push mower and do what has to be done.

"Ever Forward"

"What do you believe people think about you ?"

A person's self-image is the mental picture, generally of a kind that is quite resistant to change. It includes things that can be seen by others and also things that are learned by experience such as the items listed below.

• Am I skinny?

• Am I fat?
• Am I attractive?
• Am I weak?
• Am I strong?
• Am I intelligent?
• Am I stupid?
• Am I a good person?
• Am I a bad person?
• Am I masculine?
• Am I feminine?
• Am I likable

"What do you believe people think about you ?"

Forming a healthy self-image can be hard especially when family, peers, community, or the general society have very negative evaluations of a person that happen to be inaccurate. The result of this is self hatred.
Poor self-image is caused by invalid criticisms that the person collected as a child that damage the way they see themselves. Children accept false negative judgments from authority figures because they trust and look up to them.

Today I discussed my theory as to why I can't make myself work out. I told my counselor about what I had said in my earlier blog. Together he and I came to a completely different conclusion than the one I had reached by myself.
My "poor self image" is what I am struggling with. I need to learn to like myself. . Easy to say , but hard to do. This is gonna take some time. First things first.

"What do I believe people think about me ?"

I talk too much and too loud. My friends all deserted me. I rarely talk to them anymore and never see them. They don't ask me out not even for coffee. They are ashamed to be seen with me . I am fat, very pale, and kinda plain. My legs are short, my hips and belly are big. It looks like I have an inner tube under my clothes. I chew my fingernails and hardly ever wear makeup. My hair is usually messy or just flat. It is clean but it is not styled. I have boobs but not much. I don't read the paper or follow world events. I know nothing about music , sports or most any other topic . I can't dance and am afraid to learn how to. I am boring . I am mentally ill , Manic Depressive aka - Bi-Polar . A Loony bird. In short a loser.

Hell, I don't even like me. Why should they ?

Yeah , that's what I have to change.

Aren't I a lucky girl ?

Just the facts ...

The first fact is ; I have changed my eating habits. My calorie intake is much less. I enjoy planning my meals for the day. I am also learning a lot about nutrition.

The second fact is :I am not exercising. Pain is the easy excuse for this. I am in pain, but that is only a tiny part the story. Here is the rest.

I am a junkie. But, It's not drugs that get me high. My rush comes from helping others accomplish their goals. I believe that with my encouragement they can do anything. Cheering them on is my way of sharing their success.

I see my purpose in life is to encourage others. I don't believe it when others compliment or encourage me. When someone says something nice about me I don't believe them. I say "thank you" then I forget it ever happened.

My job is to watch others succeed . I belong on the sidelines, like a cheerleader.

Those are the facts....

"Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed,
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need"

"the beautiful wise one"
"a little treasure, always the right words at the right times."

A friend on Face book used those words to describe me recently. I can and do use words to comfort people. First I try to imagine myself in their place. Then I look in my heart and say what I wish someone would say to me.

Doing this makes me happy. It makes me feel good inside to help them. I have never had a white knight in my life. But I can be one for other people.

"Quitting is just another name for "Failure" .

Failing scares me. If I fail everyone will notice and judge me. Quitting is much quieter and easier.

Either way I don't reach my goal. Quitting is failure minus the time and effort involved in trying.

"Straight is the gate and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." Jesus said that. He also said that the gate to destruction is wide and the path is broad.

To reach my goal , I have to chose the road less taken. The easier path is very tempting. I am still hurting and it is hard think . Despite that I am here writing out my thoughts again. Once again this blog is helping me stay motivated.

"Quitting is just another name for failure" that is now my battle cry !
Time to close now and start my day .

"Ever Forward"

Necessary Evil

My right wrist and hand started aching pretty bad last night. I applied some topical Arthritis medicine called Voltaren. It didn't help much so I put on a wrist brace. In the past I would have let this pain drive me to my knees. My day would be lost. I would have stayed in bed feeling sorry for myself. Instead of that I told myself that everyone has pain of one kind or another. It is a necessary evil.

Necessary ? Pain is always evil, but never necessary. On first glance that is very true. Let's look at this from a different angle for a moment. Pain is the only way our body can tell us that something is wrong. It is a warning . Slow down -- bumpy road ahead. Without pain we would just keep going and make things much worse. Pain is a part of life. Nobody likes it, but we all have to live with it anyway. The way we choose to look at pain is what matters most. Starting right now I chose to listen to my pain... to see it as a warning not an enemy.

*** Ever Forward ***