Skin Hunger

Obviously I am having a hard time right now.

Part, but not all of that is because of my need to be held, caressed and kissed.

I don't remember the last time I felt like a desirable woman. Sometimes I forget that I am a woman at all. It's easier that way. Just to drift through the hours, days and weeks like a robot doing what I have to and blocking out everything else.

Sometimes though when I least expect it I long for affection and the warmth of another body next to mine. It hurts to not have that. It feels like my skin has disappeared and all my nerves are exposed to the air. Nothing can satisfy that hunger, that need except for a man who treats me the way I need and deserve to be treated.

Three times in my life I had that for a short time. Each time my dreams of a happy future turned into a nightmare. One of them chose his roommates over me, the second man just turned cold towards me even though I still think he understood me more than anyone else ever will, the last one was very attractive, an incredible kisser and knew just what to say to turn me on. That one ended with the help of my ex-sister who is an Alchoholic. I still wonder if he was as good in bed as I imagine he would have been. He was also the only one of the lot who was not a cheap skate or taking Viagra. As you can see, I don't have the best luck with men.

I don't know where I am going with this. All I know is that I want to find a man who will be there when I need him. Someone I can count on and who will treat me well.

Is this possible ? I hope so.... I want it...I need it.... but I don't believe it will ever happen.