My life is like a perpetual high dive. Sometimes I am climbing the ladder full of hope and feeling great. My mind is full of ideas and I can accomplish things that I have been avoiding.
Other times I am standing on the platform looking down frozen in terror, but knowing that I am about to fall. My heart races and tears fill my eyes. Loneliness combines with the fear. That pushes me over the edge of the platform. Then in the blink of an eye I am falling.
I can't escape the highs of being "Manic" or the lows of "depression". All I can do is take my medications and cope the best I can. The worst thing is ,I never know when the highs and lows will happen. If I did I could brace myself, instead it comes at me like a sucker punch.
When I was younger, I dreamed of being rescued by a tall, handsome stranger. Rescue is not an option for me. I will climb that ladder and fall over and over again. Nothing can ever stop that, as much as I wish that could happen.
The best I can hope for is to find someone to be like the water in a diving pool. To be there and cushion the fall, without judging me. This may or may not happen for me. So for now I have to be strong for myself, keep my head above water and dog paddle as hard as I can.
**EVER FORWARD**
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