There's a monster in my closet

Yesterday after I blogged I felt much better. I was calmer and more accepting of the way my mind works.

I was actually able to do some laundry and get rid of the science experiments accumulated in the fridge. A disgusting and never ending job at our house.

My Mom grew up in the Depression and she saves all the leftovers. Some do get eaten, but some end up as moldy, stinky globs. I can see why she does this. I have never had to go to bed hungry. I can't even imagine what that would feel like, but she does know and the leftovers are like a security blanket for her. She can see them whenever she opens the fridge. Like Scarlett O'Hara she will 'Never go hungry again" She fears "Hunger"

Monsters in the closet are a fear that small children often have. They have never seen the monster, but they can tell you what it looks like and even how it sounds. You can explain to the child that monsters are not real. Even if you open the closet and show the child that there is nothing to fear it is not gonna work. They can see what you are trying to convince them of, but they believe in that monster and that is that.

The fear they feel is real ... and because of that, so is the monster.

Adults have Monsters that they fear as well. My monsters live in my head. One of them is doubt, another is guilt, jealousy and fear are there too and so is sadness, anger , disappointment, and remorse. They brought some friends too but I think that you get the picture.

To quote my favorite TMNT Michaelangelo "Bummer Dude !"

It's not wrong to feel these emotions. The problem is when I let my imagination run away with me. That's when the monsters start to growl louder and louder. A tiny monster grows to gigantic size in an instant.

So what are my choices to stop this from happening ?

One would be to imagine a big iron box that I could put the monsters in and wrap it with a chain. I could put a few heavy duty locks on. Then toss it in the basement ....All done .... My monsters are trapped.

Trapped , but not dead. Emotions are a part of all of us. Even Spock , the logical Vulcan/human had to struggle with his emotions. We need to feel things. Good and bad and indifferent. Life is made of emotions.

Another option is obviously needed.... What to do ??

I could let them win. Surrender to them , let them run wild until they have worn me out. They will cause damage to self image, relationships and my life in general. But it's a lot easier than trying to trap them.

Easier but more painful. It also leads me deeper into the Monsters home ground. I know that there are more of them back there waiting for a chance to surround me and eat me alive. No .. No...No !!! I don't like that idea at all ...Quite frankly it sounds like a suicide mission.

I need to think ...but the monsters are lurking on the edge of my mind watching and listening. Their whispers make me uneasy and scared. I can't think . I need to think. I wish they would just let me be.

There is a saying "Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer" That's it !!!

What if instead of trapping the monsters --or surrendering to them--I make friends with them ?

It will take time and lots of effort ... and it won't be easy ... and sometimes it will be so hard that I want to give up. But if I want to live my life , feel some measure of peace and be happy -I have to work at it.

So my plan is to meet them one by one. I need to learn about them discover what makes them tick. Then maybe then I can live without fearing them, or imagining them to be more than what they really are.

Because these monsters are real ... they are here to stay and the nature of them is n0t going to change. I can't trap them or give in to them.

I can however observe them. Learn all I can about them, After that the idea is to learn to live with them. Kind of like Jane Goodall did with chimpanzees. Fear loves the shadows ... It's time to turn on the lights.

Consider the serenity prayer;

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
( my emotions positive and negative )

Courage to change the things I can.
(My response to my emotions)

And the wisdom to know the difference.
(wisdom does not equal genius -it just means taking what you know and adding to it as you go ...life is a learning process not the final exam.)