Why bother ?

Every time I have a little fun it just makes things worse for me. I start to resent my lack of freedom and the loneliness is much harder to deal with. An evening or 2 spent away from this house makes my everyday existence just that much worse.

Why do I bother to try anymore ? It would be much easier to accept that my place is here, where I have and will always be.

I probably couldn't even cope with the things I think I want. Even something as simple as dating is impossible for me. There's no way I could ever have a successful long term relationship.

Doctor House says "everyone lies". That seemed like a joke to me when I heard it the first time. Now I know it is very true. Add to that "everyone you meet wants to take something from you"

Pretty lies and false compliments to get you to let down your defenses. Then they take what they want and leave you lying in the dust. It hurts just as much the 10th time as the 1st (trust me)

Being honest and trusting others is a weakness. The golden rule is outdated.It's survival of the one with the lowest morals now.

These are the painful truths that I have learned through disappointment, heartache and the shedding of countless tears.

Like a child pressing their face against a toy shop window I have too often wished for the things that other people seem to get so easily and even worse take for granted.

Every time I get my hopes up that things will be better it blows up in my face. No more !!! I admit defeat. From now on I will not attempt friendships or dating.

If I don't try any more, I won't get hurt anymore.....From now on I am going to remember all the painful lessons I have learned and say "Why Bother ?"