Detour

I have gotten off my butt and onto the Total Gym. It took some effort to do, but now I love the time I spend on it each day. My sleeping muscles are waking up and it feels pretty darn good.

Since I started exercising I feel much different. My mood has improved and I have more energy. I am also thinking more clearly and able to focus my thoughts. I am even able to read , something I haven't done for a while. My outlook on life has become more positive as well.

A few days ago I weighed 201 lbs. Now the scale has jumped from 201 to 208.5. I don't like that, but it is not bothering me too much. I am happy about the positive changes listed above.

Would I like to see the number go down ? Hell yeah !!! Do I need that to feel good about myself ? Hell no !!! Losing weight would be great ! There are too many benefits to list here.

The changes I listed above are better for me than losing weight. I am still going to eat right and exercise. By doing that I will lose weight eventually . It's just not happening for me right now. Life is like that, sometimes you start somewhere and hit a detour. This is my detour.

Instead of worrying about the numbers on a scale I am going to do what is right for me. I need to change what is inside me first. My attitude and the way I think about myself are all that matters right now. I believe that the path I am walking will lead me to where I need to be.

Poor self esteem is what has stopped me all the other times I dieted. Now I know why that was.
In the past I confused self esteem with popularity. Now I am realizing that was all wrong. Self esteem is not based on how many friends I have, or how I dress, or the things I own.

Looking, thinking or acting like everyone else won't change the way I feel about myself. Only by examining my own feelings and thoughts can I learn to enjoy my life on my terms.

So I am chucking the scale under the bed. Then I am gonna grab onto the good feelings I have and hang on tight. I don't know where it will take me , but it's bound to be a hell of a ride.