In a panic

A few minutes ago I was having trouble remembering to breath. My heart felt like there was a hand wrapped around it just a little bit too tight. Ready to crush it just because it could. As if all that wasn't enough, my body ached to be held just until I could breath again.

In the past I would have cried, taken a Xanax and then raided the fridge. Crying gives me a headache so I decided to skip that. I was too lazy to get a Xanax, so that was out too. The fridge was the biggest temptation. A ham sandwich would taste good , but so would an apple.

I ended up eating an apple. Then I cuddled with Lilac and I was finally able to calm myself down. Being held would have felt a lot better but holding her was a close second.

Panic attacks are manageable. Even though often it doesn't feel that way. In reality they only have as much power over your life as you give them. This attack was not as long or as severe as some have been in the past. I made it through without tears, meds or ham. I feel good about that. I still really want to be held tight, that is something I will never get my fill of.

Victory in part, but not in whole....
Yet, I can still say **EVER FORWARD**