LIfe is a process...

Without grapes you cannot make wine. Without grape vines you cannot grow grapes. without sunshine, rain and rich soil you cannot grow grape vines. Without patience , skill and the knowledge to tend the vines you can have all the rest and still not grow any grapes.

The work has just begun when the grapes are harvested. Next they must be crushed and yeast is added to begin the fermentation process. There is still a lot of things to be done before that grape juice can be called wine. Making wine is a science as well as an art. It can't be rushed and not just anyone has the ability to do it the right way.

Despite all the work, love and care, and skill that goes into each bottle not all wine is drinkable. Some is just no good. There is nothing to be done about that but to dump it out and start over.

Life is a process too a complicated combination of events and circumstances. Some of those things happen because of conscious decisions we make. Other things are complete surprises that we have to cope with the best we can, We all have personal struggles and demons to fight.

Just like that wine, we have to ferment (learn) in order to become the best person we can be. That requires hard work, skill and patience. Even then we don't always get what we want.

In this day and age of instant gratification patience is hard to come by. It is a huge struggle for me when it comes to dating and weight loss. I know that there are no magical solutions for those things. Most of the time its easy for me to accept that fact. Other times I can't cope at all.

Last night was one of those times when I panicked. I had a bad anxiety attack. As a result I ate everything in sight. Cheesecake (I don't even like it) Beef Jerky (finished the bag), a frozen dinner, a glass of milk and a PBJ . I feel sick to my stomach just reading that list.

When I started thinking about what I had done, an old joke came to my mind. Did you hear about the Pollock who tried to swim the English channel ? He got half way and decided he couldn't make it so he swam back. My binge last night was me swimming back.

Emotional eating is my weakness. Eating all that crap when I was not even hungry didn't help. All it did was make things worse than they already were. Plus it made me feel discouraged.

Today is a new day, a fresh start for me. In order to make the best of it I need to learn from my mistakes. Mistakes are not the same as failures. Unless you allow yourself to think that way.

My life is a process over which I have limited control. The things I eat and whether I make wise choices are up to me. Whether I sit on my butt or exercise is up to me and me alone.

Where is all this going ? What is the point I am trying too make ?

Changing my lifestyle is a process. Choosing to eat healthy foods is a process. Being more active is a process. Facing my demons is a process. Dealing with my emotional eating is a process.

None of this can be rushed. Grape juice does not become instantly become wine. Nor can I instantly shed my excess weight or deal with my personal issues. I have let them keep me from being successful in the past. That was then, this is now. A new day and a new attitude.

"Patience is a virtue" that I lack. Sometimes I can be objective enough to tell myself to slow down and think. Other times I act before I think and end up feeling guilty and regretful.

There is no easy fix for my lack of patience. Just like my poor self esteem it will be a lifetime struggle. That bothers me a little, but does not intimidate me because now I know my enemy.

Poor self esteem and lack of patience are only the first 2 things that I need to change about myself. I don't expect a TKO in the first bout with either of them. The truth is they have been around a long time. They know all my weaknesses and how to use them against me.

"Rocky" never quit, nor will I . They will knock me down, but they won't knock me out.