Once upon a time...

Once upon a time in Erie, PA I thought I had found a place to belong. It felt so good to be there in that little house with Rudy cooking and taking care of him. I slept so good cradled in his arms.

Then the fairy tale ended and all of that was gone. I miss him really bad sometimes. He made me feel confident and desirable. When I was in his arms I felt safe and cherished.

I want to feel that way again. I want it so bad it hurts to breath and I want to cry. Recently I have dreamed about him several times. I am lost and trying to find my way to his house. When I get there he is cold and distant to me and treats me like a stranger.

He was that way at the end of our relationship. He shut himself off from me and that is why I had to walk away. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It was the right thing to do for my own sanity. If I had stayed one more day I don't know what would have happened.

The bad times are still fresh in my mind, and so are the good times. Getting in touch with him or reuniting are not an option. I miss making love to him it felt incredible. I have never felt that way with any other man before or since. With him I bared my soul and surrendered my body as I have always dreamed of doing. It was so beautiful that sometimes I cried tears of joy.

He was my Dom and I was his submissive. I wore his collar and I was proud of that. Being his submissive was not as enjoyable as I thought it would be. He had lots of toys, but seldom had the desire to use them on me. The thing he used most was a wooden paddle that I hated. In spite of that I would ask him to use it sometimes , just because I wanted his attention.

Recently I have been thinking about how it felt to be a submissive. I think I would like to try it again. This time with a man who is younger and more focused. A collar locked around my neck would make me happier and mean more than a wedding ring on my finger ever could.

Finding a man like that won't be easy. He may not even exist. For now I will have to depend on myself. Being alone sucks, but it is a lot better than being with the wrong man.