Sunday, June 13, 2010

A new point of view


The idea that "Everything happens for a reason" may turn you off. It might even make you extremely angry. I can't make you believe that it is true. All I can do is tell you my own personal story. After that you can draw your own conclusions.

As a child I had no playmates. I read a lot because that was something I could do by myself. I remember very vividly the first time I used a dictionary in school. I still love to look words up and see their origins. Try it yourself. Pick a word that you use every day. What language is it from ? You may be in for quite a surprise.

The English language as spoken in the USA is entirely made up of words borrowed from other places . Immigrants brought with them more than their dreams of freedom and a better life. They also brought their cultures and languages. We are the great American melting pot and our language is the result of that.

I went to college and was in accepted into the Registered Nurse program. I was nearly finished. I only had 2 classes left. It was at that time that I began to have severe panic attacks. I never finished and I don't have the ability to finish now.

Manic Depression is the old name for Bi-Polar disorder. At times I am depressed and want to give up. Other times I am 'Manic" during those times I feel like I can do anything. Write a book , climb a mountain. Anything seems possible to me.

I am not alone in my struggle Carrie Fisher, Patty Duke, Sting, Ben Stiller, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jonathan Winters, Richard Dreyfuss, Peter Gabriel , Macy Gray, Frank Sinatra and Linda Hamilton. Every one of them is Bi-Polar.

These things about me might make you want to pity me. You might also consider yourself to be superior to me. I used to feel sorry for myself and think that others were better than me. I thought that life was being unfair to me . My life seemed pointless. Now I am looking at it from a new point of view.

Isolation taught me to read and to be curious about many things. My fascination with words led me to learn not only to read but to comprehend what I read. This in turn helped me to get into the RN program at the local community College.

My Nursing classes taught me many things that I have used to take care of myself and my family. Psychology, Nutrition, and Pharmacology to name a few.I may not be an RN, but I have used everything that I learned despite my lack of credentials.


My struggle with Bi-Polar and Anxiety is helping me now to care for a little abused dog named "Lilac". My son has a puggle named "Dakota". I am afraid to take her out for a walk. Being outside with her makes me very jumpy. I love Dakota very much. She is a wonderful dog. I just can't keep up with her, my fear is too strong.

When I go out with "Lilac" she is afraid too. She looks to me to protect her from what she fears. I sometimes think that she knows that I am scared too. Together we can be brave. We are in a sense kindred souls in a big scary world.

All these things that I thought were bad at the time. They all happened in my life for a purpose. I would not be the same person I am today without them.

** Ever Forward **

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