Monday, June 28, 2010

My Secret revealed ....


Why am I such a misfit ?
I am not just a nitwit.
You can't fire me, I quit.
Seems I don't fit in.


I have always known that I was not like everyone else. This became more clear to me when I was in Nursing School. I knew that I would never be able to handle the stress of being an RN. Still I went on with my classes and pretended that everything was just fine. I never , ever really wanted to be a nurse by the way. My father wanted all four of us girls to be nurses for some reason.

Why did I do that ? Putting all that effort into something that I didn't even want to do. I have always wanted my Fathers approval and to make him proud of me. Dad never tried to force me to be a nurse. I wanted to do it for him , so I did.

All my life I have tried to fit in to get other peoples approval. Their family was t "The Brady Bunch" Mine was a bizarre mixture. Take "All in the Family" and a bit of "Sanford and Son" and top it off with "The Beverly Hillbillies"

I don't fit in, I am a misfit. One on one ,I mostly do OK . In groups, not so so well. What I do is figure out what other people want or need to feel good. Then I find ways to give that to them. This makes them happy and they don't notice me at all.

Mostly what people want is praise. Compliments are a tool I use very often to keep the attention off myself. Changing the subject when it gets too personal works too. Everyone has interests and hobbies that they can talk about for hours. Even if the person is talking about something that upsets me I can smile and nod.

Finding happiness in others successes is my specialty. It's safe and doesn't require much effort on my part. Also, If I don't expect anything for myself out of life, I will never be disappointed. It's like living in a bubble of my own making.


I am really a misfit,
I am never a nitwit
I won't try ,
Cause I quit
I will never fit in.



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