Better or Worse... Better or Worse...Better or Worse...Better or Worse....Better or Worse. I can still hear my eye doctor saying that, over and over again. It was downright nerve racking after a while. Those rows of letters got so they looked all the same to me. I don't know why that phrase that made me so anxious.
Having friends for me is nerve racking sometimes. The better side is when we chat and joke around with each other. Laughter is always a very good thing . Worse is seeing them go on vacations, attend concerts and parties and fall in and out of love. Those things make me feel like my heart is gonna break.
My head knows that many people in the world have lives a lot worse than mine. My heart just knows the pain that I feel. Sometimes all I can think about is stopping that awful feeling inside me. I did get some medicine for my anxiety attacks. They are getting worse and more frequent.I don't like taking them , but can't function without them.
That doesn't mean that I am giving up on finding other tools besides drugs to cope. In fact I just read the following quote yesterday. Each and every time I read it I feel a bit calmer and more hopeful. I may never know what my contribution the world was. The truth is I don't feel any desire or need to do so. Faith that it does exist is all I really ever needed. Faith , what a beautiful feeling !
The creatures that inhabit this earth-be they human beings or animals-are here to contribute, each in its own particular way, to the beauty and prosperity of the world. (HHDL)
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