Most people work very hard to feel like their life has a purpose. Some are famous for their achievements others are not. Belonging and being needed is not just a common desire. It also gives people hope and makes them feel good too.
Daily life doesn't always come with that good feeling of having accomplished something. For example, Before indoor plumbing people had to haul water in buckets many times each day. Heavy buckets over and over . Back breaking work and nothing to show for it at the end.
45 years I have spent on this same patch of earth. Living day in and day out with little or nothing to show at the end of the day. My world stops at the end of the driveway, past there is a world that I fear. As a child I wanted to have friends and do things. I was not even allowed to play with the little girl across the street. I begged and cried, but Mom always said "NO".
In a way my days are spent hauling water in a little bucket. However my bucket is very leaky. Full of holes , to be exact. Every time I trust someone and they let me down another hole appears. Each time I try to do something and fail does the same. Will this ever change ? I used to hope and dream that one day it would. Now that seems highly unlikely.
This I fear is "As good as it gets" . The luck of the draw, role of the dice, or something like that. It's past time to accept that fact and stop living in a fantasy world. It is what it is.
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