She does not live -She exists- trapped in a moment- fingers curled in agony - empty hands reaching for someone or something that does not exist , nor ever will - her tortured . tattered heart aching incessantly as the cruel vise of despair tightens mercilessly around it -her broken empty dreams reflected in her tear filled eyes - her lips are tremulous moving silently - her throat is clogged with unspoken , useless screams for help that would fall empty into space - or merely echo off the cold unforgiving walls of the fortress where she has existed since her first breath, It doesn't matter -nothing matters - she tells herself when the turmoil of her emotions rips at her body from within like the talons of a ravenous beast , in the worst of it she holds herself and muffles her screams as silent tears run down her face. Live or die - happy or sad it matters not to her -those are things she cannot control-Pain all is pain Pain emptiness and never ending despair-Never good enough -too short, too fat, too slow - too nice- too different - No place to belong -but here - in this place - where she has been and where she will always be - Not alive and not dead - nothing and no one a speck of sand on the planet -Alone, alone- always alone - Invisible ---she dwells in silent despair her life nothing but a empty act -coming to life when needed and in a dusty corner unheeded by anyone otherwise - just a tool a peon, nothing and no one - useful but valueless- Her soul is broken with despair -Her spirit is defeated -beat down to nothing over time by her Isolation and fear ---and constant - reprimands of too slow -not right - I love you and good bye- Come here, no get lost - Dreams of being normal -what ever that may be. Desires to be free -Hopes of being loved and cared for - Desiring no luxuries or riches - simply a cozy home filled with love - the door always open to her non-existent friends, fantasies of seeing the world beyond her safe place- the smell of the ocean - warm sand between her toes - the sun warm upon her face and the air fresh and pure. She knows that this will never happen - they are Words on a page - keystrokes from her fingers- no more real than -Once upon a time and Happily ever after - The pain and despair have taken over -their power grows with every moment that passes - Her thoughts are like razor wire all tangled in her brain- ripping and rending and destroying her mind - What is real ? What is possible ? What is insanity ? Does time matter ? Will my turn ever come ? Why was I born ? How much longer must I suffer ? All is the same as it ever was and ever shall be ---till death we do part.
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