"Ain't that a kick in the head"

I have said it before "everyone wants something from you" From the moment you meet whether you are a lawyer or a hair dresser, people are thinking of what you can do for them.

The only thing you have control of is whether what they can give you is worth what they want in return. Friendship, Sex, marriage or just services or goods. One way of another this whole thing will cost you whether it is money or your dignity.

Money is much easier to replace than dignity. Pride goes before a fall, but the loss of dignity leaves a mark that no one else can see, but is painful nonetheless, and will not ever stop.

How low must a person be before their dignity and pride lose all meaning and value. The answer to that is up to each and every one of us. For myself I admit that I have sold myself short more times than I care to remember. My excuse for the most part is Loneliness. My need for affection and companionship is overwhelming sometimes and has extremely impaired my judgment.

The book "A Tale of two cities" says "It was the best of times, It was the worst of times"
My life, and I would imagine many other peoples lives could be described with those words.

Even the experiences in our lives that end in heartbreak contain some measure of pleasure and happiness. The word "Bittersweet" comes to mind. To me that is a reminder that despite the bitterness of the ending, the beginning was sweet and wonderful. Is the sweet worth the inevitable bitter ? Again, only each of us can say if that is the case or not.

The point of this rambling mess of a blog is hard for even me to figure out.

My best guess would be that the fact that all my so called friends have turned their backs on me. I refuse to beg for their attentions this time like I have in the past.

Should I try to find new friends ? I am leaning towards "No". It seems like it is hardly worth the effort. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"

Albert Einstein said that. He and I were both born on March 14 btw. Those words really do describe my life. I keep trying to do the same thing and getting kicked in the head.

So I am working on shutting myself off from thoughts of relationships of any kind. It's simply not worth the price that is asked of me. Especially since I always end up alone in the end.