A useless Blog

My counselor has recommended that I delete one of my friends on Lose It. He says that this person is toxic to me. Toxic seems harsh to me. However I do see what he is getting at.

I joined because this person was so enthusiastic about that site. The site is great, but I am disappointed all the same. I have some very supportive friends on there but the one I want to hear from most, has never posted one single word on my profile.

I expected some encouragement from him once in a while. Maybe even a great job ! None of that happened. I told myself he was too busy to do that stuff. He doesn't seem to talk to anyone on there. I would try not to think about it, but would find myself looking at his profile as if I could figure things out that way. It just left me more confused and feeling a bit pathetic too.

I thought about deleting him even before Niels suggested it. This man often wanders out of my life for long periods of time. He is a good man , he just tends to make promises without thinking things through. I accept that about him even though it hurts me sometimes.

I don't know what to do. Asking him to be more supportive of me feels selfish. He is going through a lot of bad things in his life right now. Deleting him would make me sad and I feel guilty every time I even consider it.

This is why I am most comfortable in my bedroom with Lilac and my laptop. People confuse me, I can give and give without any problem. That's easy for me and I am afraid it is also the reason that I have been used by guys from dating sites. I pretty much asked them to treat me badly.

Expecting other people to do something stresses me out. Like this situation that I find myself trapped in right now. What is it reasonable to expect from him ? Should I ask him for it or wait for him to offer it ? I don't know what to do ! Usually blogging helps, but not this time.