Forgiveness

I feel lost, trapped in limbo. This last medication change seems to have made me worse. The thing is I don't care about how crappy feel. All I want to do is get in my bed and turn off the lights.

I want to and I can are not the same thing at all. So in between the panic and the need to quit I force myself to cope. Sometimes I can make my mind blank and coast. Other times I get incredibly pissed and strike out at anyone nearby. It's not pretty and I hate when it happens, but I can't seem to stop myself. It's like I am watching someone else spewing hate and rage like venom.

I don't know what to do. I wish I was strong and wise enough to fix myself. Right now I can't remember anything or sometimes even get my words out. I don't know this stranger behind my eyes and I sure don't like her. I forgive all the men have dated who dumped me and the friends that no longer call. No one should have to deal with me.... I wish I didn't have to either.